Sack Lunch

from by Schmaltz

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Much fabulous fanfare for sports enthusiast's enthusiasm for short shorts. Very socially relevant and essential commentary.


He wears tight shorts/ he plays his sports/ he gets his kicks on the basketball courts.
Rubbing up against all those sweaty guys/ he sneaks a quick peek to compare his size.

If you can’t tell I’m a man I’ll do all I can to prove it’s so because I want it to show
With a little goose here and a nuggie there then I’ll run my hand through my James Dean hair.
Let there be no doubt about my sexual clout see my weenie’s kind of teeny but It’s proud and stout.

little dead fishies in a sea of vanity
with his superhero stature tightly wrapped, displayed in majesty.

Snuggly packed without a vent renders his ball sack impotent.
(Those things hang low for a reason you know, why you want to be squeezing ‘em so?)

Pull them up the crack in back in those black bike shorts that supports your shriveled sack.
With that camels toe and those roller blades, when it comes to the womenz, you’ve got it made.
You gotz yourself a pretty packaged little… but! it must be hard sucking in that gut.

He’s packing up a sack lunch with a footlong submarine.
With an apple and an orange there’s no room left in between.
Chorus “ “


from 2 + 2 = Chicken, released November 24, 2013
Words & music by Mike Watson.


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